Getaway Girl Blog

Time and time again


What, exactly, is it?

Not meaning to sound too esoteric today, but truly, how can it be that I just never feel like I have enough of something I cannot hold, I cannot touch and I cannot buy?

But somehow, I am always running short on time.

I don't know if it's just me or if I am just like everyone else, but I feel some days as if my life is just a buzz of constant activity and that I'm bouncing continuously, without pause, from one task or project to another. Within the course of my work day, I guess that is understandable, but what about my so-called "free time"?

Where does that time go?

Right now, I am in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, visiting my fiance and also my family, who is visiting the U.P. from Arizona. I've only been here for three days, and yet it feels as if every single minute has been occupied by events or planning to be at an event or getting ready to go to an event: a family wedding rehearsal, a dinner, the wedding, out to eat, home to unpack and then prepare to meet up w/my family: prepare a salmon dip for the family potluck, wrap gifts for my nephews, pack everything up and prepare to leave, spend 20 minutes in the car...

Moving, moving, moving...always moving.

Even when I am at home, where I live by myself, I feel as if there are days when life has rushed by me and that my days have passed in a blur: get up at 5:30 a.m., at my desk scrambling to meet deadlines from 6:30 a.m. until I am rushing to get ready for a meeting at some random hour of the morning. Out the door, into the car, meet w/clients and learn of their needs, back home again and back at my desk. Meet a client for lunch and then back to the desk. Friends call and we meet for dinner at 5:30 p.m. Stop at WalMart on the way home to pick up a few random groceries and toiletries. Home again at 8:30 or 9 p.m., take my contacts out of my eyeballs, flip thru a few channels or open up a book and fall asleep w/the television on or the book on my chest. Wake up startled, shut the lights out, set the alarm for 5:30 a.m.

And then do it all over again.

I looked outside at my backyard the other day and thought, "What a jungle..." Chris the Lawnmower Guy comes and takes care of the grass each week, but the shrubs are desperately in need of major trimming.  I looked at the calendar. Every weekend is booked between now and early August.

And June isn't even over yet.

Where does the time go and how can I recapture some of it?

This leads me to ask myself sometimes, "Why is my time so heavily scheduled? Do I really need to head out to dinner and/or for drinks w/friends so many week nights? Do I need to accept every invitation to go sailing or to go shopping or to head out the door to do something that doesn't involve remaining at home and just, well, being there in my spare time?

Well, the easy answer is no, I don't need to. But the complex answer is yes, I do need to. I live alone and work in solitude at home. Getting out and being social gets me out of the four walls where I spend many hours of my time working and thinking and concentrating.

So when there is an opportunity to get up and get out of the house, to sit somewhere else and chat and catch up w/friends, I take it. I grab the brass ring and run out the door.

And then I wonder where my time has gone...and as I push my cart down the same aisles in Walmart, I wonder why I feel as if my time is spent so repetitiously...working, shopping, eating, sleeping and then getting up and doing it all over again.

The year is now more than half over...and I've been very time has rushed past.

So my mid-year New Year's Resolution is going to be this: Stop. Stop moving. Stop planning and overplanning every day, every minute, every weekend and every hour.  Just spend some time stopped.

Promise to let myself watch the blur rush past me without feeling obligated to jump on board.

Just stop. Look.  Listen. Listen to myself. Listen to that inner voice that knows Patti as only Patti can know Patti. Pause. And recharge.

Only by recapturing time can we slow it down and refresh ourselves.

Here's to the second half of my year...and to yours.  Cheers.


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